The Marines

6 07 2008

THOSE SNEAKY MARINES…….. Look Closely At The Pictures Below….. Keep looking (If You Need to Enlarge the Picture, Just Click on it)

See it now?

If a Muslim sees a naked woman — they are supposed to kill themselves.Ya gotta love
the Marines. If you don’t stand behind our troops, please feel free to stand in
front of them.





Prison vs Work

5 07 2008

IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: You get three meals a day.
AT WORK: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: You get your own toilet.
AT WORK: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK: you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: They are called managers.





It’s Independence Day!

4 07 2008




Donation

3 07 2008

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago . Nothing Is moving north or south.   

Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, ‘What happened, what’s the hold up?’

 

 


Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Rosie O’Donnell, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton.   

They are asking for a $10 million ransom.


Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire.  

We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.’


The driver asks, ‘On average, how much is everyone giving?’


 ‘About a gallon.’





Why Does it Have To Be Right or Wrong?

2 07 2008

This was on of my favorite childhood songs, and I just recently heard it on the radio and thought I’d share.





Breakfast At The White House

1 07 2008
Vice President Cheney and President Bush are having breakfast 
at the White House. An attractive female server asks Cheney 
what he would like, and he replies, "I'd like a bowl of oatmeal
and some fruit." "And what can I get for you, Mr. President?",
the server asks. The President looks up from his menu and 
replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about 
a quickie this morning?" "Why, Mr. President!" the woman 
exclaims, "How rude! You're starting to 
act like President Clinton," and the woman storms away.
Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers...........
"It's pronounced "quiche."




25 Reasons I Love My Mother

30 06 2008

 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 
 ‘If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. 
 I just finished cleaning.’ 
 
 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 
 ‘You better pray that will come out of the carpet.’ 
 
 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 
 ‘If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock 
 you into the middle of next week!’ 
 
 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 
 ‘Because I said so, that’s why.’ 
 
 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 
 ‘If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, 
 you’re not going to the store with me.’ 
 
 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 
 ‘Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re 
 in an accident.’ 
 
 7. My mother taught me IRONY 
 ‘Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry 
 about.’ 
 
 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 
 ‘Shut your mouth and eat your supper.’ 
 
 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 
 ‘Will you look at that dirt on the back of your 
 neck!’ 
 
 10.. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 
 ‘You’ll sit there until all that spinach is 
 gone.’ 
 
 
 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 
 ‘This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through 
 it.’ 
 
 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 
 ‘If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. 
 Don’t exaggerate!’ 
 
 13 My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 
 ‘I brought you into this world, and I can take you 
 out.’ 
 
 14.My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 
 ‘Stop acting like your father!’ 
 
 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 
 ‘There are millions of less fortunate children in this 
 world who don’t have wonderful parents like you 
 do.’ 
 
 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 
 ‘Just wait until we get home.’ 
 
 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 
 ‘You are going to get it when you get home!’ 
 
 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 
 ‘If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are 
 going to freeze that way..’ 
 
 19. My mother taught me ESP. 
 ‘Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when 
 you are cold?’ 
 
 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 
 ‘When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t 
 come running to me.’ 
 
 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 
 ‘If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never 
 grow up.’ 
 
 22.My mother taught me GENETICS. 
 ‘You’re just like your father.’ 
 
 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 
 ‘Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born 
 in a barn?’ 
 
 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 
 ‘When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.’ 
 
 25. And my favorite: 
 
 My mother taught me about JUSTICE 
 ‘One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out 
 just like you  








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