A Two Year Old Secret Comes To Light

5 04 2008

So, I’ve never really been into drugs. I just think it’s stupid to put that stuff in your body. I’m not a health nut, but I also don’t want to go out of my way to hurt myself either…not too much into the self-destructive behavior….my little brother, however, has for a long time struggled to get away from certain friends of his that encouraged him to experiment with drugs. His main addiction was marijuana…last April my brother moved in with me, to help put distance between him and his illegal hobbies…And I’m so very happy to report that he is getting ready to celebrate his 1 year anniversary of being drug free. I’m so excited for him!!

 

As great as that is, something else is eating at me. J (the boyfriend)…He has a friend, who’s a fisherman…owns his own crabbing company…we’ll just refer to him as Capt…well, Capt, likes to drink and smoke marijuana…I’ve known this for 2 years now…every year him and his significant other throws him a huge birthday party…lots of food, crabs, oysters, huge bonfire and lots of beer…once the…how should I put this…more…ummm…legally abiding citizens leave, joints have a tendency to be passed around…they’ve always been courtesy to me, and anyone else who does not partake, they just skip us and don’t say a word… what’s bothering me, is two years ago, after the first party I attended, Joel was driving me back to my car (I always meet up with boyfriends, when I first started dating them, that away not everyone knew where I lived, as I lived alone at the time.)…we always left my car behind the shop we both work at….he’d always drive me back and then we’d end up sitting for an hour or two talking…well…this particular night was the first night we’d ever kissed, sitting in front of the bonfire at Capt’s….so we spent quite a bit of time in his truck snuggling and kissing and just talking, and getting to know one another…(you know, those carefree first days of a relationship.) Well, one of the things that came up was drugs…he explained to me that he use to do marijuana, yet no longer does….which was no problem to me. I’ve made mistakes in my past, I don’t think people should have their past held against them. (For most stuff).

 

Last year, at Capt’s Christmas party, I watch J participate in the joint passing, when we got him I mentioned it to him. And mentioned how I really was against his use of it….if for no other reason, we’re planning on having children together…I’ve had 3 miscarriages, and don’t think we should harm what little chances we have of being able to successfully have children…I made a pretty big deal out of it, and questioned how often he’s doing it….he told me it was just a one time thing…no big deal…he hasn’t done it in a very long time…and promised he wouldn’t do it anymore, if it upset me that much…I let it go…

 

Until two weekends ago, when again at Capt’s birthday party, he again participated in the joint passing…we didn’t get home until late and we’d both drank too much, so, I let it go, and tried not to dwell on it…just thinking, he doesn’t want his friends to think I’m turning him into a wuss…so, I didn’t say a word, but he knew I was happy about it.

 

For a while now I’ve been thinking I’ve smelt marijuana when I walked into the garage, or on his jacket when he comes home…I just chalked it up to paranoia, and just kind of let it go, while making a mental note to watch for it…and quite a few times I walk into the garage, and it’s like he’s shielding something from me, and always finds a reason to lead me outside…again, I chalked it up to paranoia, and just let it go, reasoning I didn’t really have any real proof that he was doing anything…well, that was until tonight…

 

We spent the day working on the bedroom remodel. We sanded the floor & Minwaxed it…once that’s completely done, all we have left to do is a little bit of touch up paint…so J finished Minwaxing while I finished up some other stuff in the kitchen. So, he gets done and tells me he’s going to go out to the garage to get some stuff done, and to go ahead and order the pizza, so he goes out to the garage and I order the pizza…a few minutes later I walk out to the garage, and when I get ready to walk in (the door is standing open), I see him with his back to me facing his tool box, and notice him exhaling something (he doesn’t smoke)…he looks back and sees me and practically jumped through the roof he was so startled…so I see him throw something to the back of the tool box and reach up to the shelf above him, trying to act like he was doing something else…again he tries to get me out of the garage…I made some excuse to walk to the other side of the garage, and you could practically see him sweating…I never saw the joint, but I’m 99.9% sure it’s there…so I come back inside and get ready to go take a bath, I see him in the garage (through the kitchen window, which looks right through the garage window) and he’s peeking out the window to see if I’m watching…I pretend to be washing dishes and not paying attention…I see him lean over, to where I can’t see him, to finish his joint…I’m soooo mad at this point… I got to take a bath…he comes inside and he’s super super sweet…gets my pizza for me, ask me if a need a napkin…I get up to get a drink and he tells me how he can do that for me…to go set down and relax…he goes out of his way to try and make me extra happy…he knows I know…I’m exhausted…I’m going to bed…I’m need some time to think about everything…my god, we’ve just moved in together…would have been nice to know for sure that he was doing this before now…