Knowing, But Not Admitting

6 04 2008

So, last night I went to bed without J. holding me, first time we ever slept in the same bed with that much space between us…he knows I’m mad.


I was suppose to help him with the bedroom…I have no desire to. I’m exhausted, I didn’t sleep at all last night…I have a tendency to not sleep when I’m stressed…


I heard him get up and leave this morning. He ran to 7-11, got me a paper, and him a drink. He left the paper on the bed beside me, and went out to the garage. He never said a word toward me, or touched me…even when asleep, normally he’ll kiss me on the cheek, and tell me where he’s going…not this morning. 


I spent the day working on stuff for my granny’s surprise birthday party…she’s turning 80 next week, and we are working on a surprise party for a little later on this month…it’s becoming quite time consuming, so I spent all day today working on that…finding pictures, and scanning them…and cropping & editing…all that fun stuff…We’re getting a quilt made with pictures and personal messages from all her family and friends, so…that’s what I worked on today…I stayed in my PJs all day.


Normally, that would drive J nuts…but today, he asked if he could get me anything, or if I had enough light…or anything he could help me with…I again, didn’t say a word about what I’d seen…but I now know that I am 100% sure of what I saw…if I hadn’t seen it, I know J wouldn’t not be walking on eggshells…like he’s done all day today.




Again, we went to sleep without touching…I really don’t want any sort of intimacy with someone who’s been hiding this big of a secret from me, for two years.