Bringing Up Painful Memories

10 04 2008

Things are a little better, we at least speak to each other…although we still aren’t at all touchy feely…and don’t speak about to much, except about the functions of the day.


I’m just more upset about the fact that he spent two years with me, and lied to me about it, every time it came up…it hurts.


The ex did kind of the same thing, except he kept another time of addiction from me. He was addicted to pornography, specifically of young girls…it use to disgust me so much to think of him looking at that, and then touching me…I actually slept with that man…I lost my virginity to that man…and not only was he lusting over pornography, but also a 15 year old girl that he use to know from his church…my husband wanted a 15 year old over me…nothing like being left for a younger woman when you’re 22…what I think, hurt me the most, was all the evidence was right in front of me, the whole time, and I just didn’t want to see it…I guess you could say the same thing this time.


I’m tired of hurting, I love J, but…I don’t want another relationship where I invest so much hurt and soul, just to get crushed.


We again, went to sleep without touching.



2 responses

11 04 2008

your not alone with this feeling. pornography and any addiction is very difficult to handle because it physically affects the mind. i found this out through a company called innergold. i was amazed at what i learned and why it affects me so much. with this learning, i have been able to view life a lot better. however, if your husband does not want to change, i would recommend still looking at this site and learn a little more about what he may be experiencing.

11 04 2008

I think it’s OK to put it to him in those terms. My ex (with whom I spent 6 1/2 years and who I was planning on marrying) did so many secret, hurtful things. Even now, a few years later, I feel those scars stretch in unexpected ways.

I feel your pain, and I know there are no words that will help. Just know that we’re out here, listening and understanding.

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