Serial Killers and Happiness

13 05 2008

So I was watching Women’s Murder Club tonight. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the show, the main character is Lindsey, a police detective, who has been haunted by a serial killer she’s never been able to catch. She calls him the kiss-me-not killer…she became so obsessed with it she ended up divorced…and her love life has pretty much spiraled down hill, because she’s too busy being a cop…until this guy Pete comes around…she’s at the airport (generic place for love connections/revelations)…and she tells him that she hasn’t known how to let herself be happy….but she was ready to try…she was ready to let herself be happy.


I think we all have kiss-me-not killers in our lives…no matter how big or small, if just regret over something you did yesterday or a mistake you made 10 years ago…you learn from them, but you have to let go…you have to let go to move on….which is a lot easier said than done….but the reason I brought this up, is ironically…this evening, right before the show came on and J was headed to bed, I was thinking how great my life is going…J and I are madly in love and getting along great, work…well, is work, but at least it’s decent paying and pretty stable…I’m getting closer to my family, especially my little brother…and, I was bracing for something bad to happen…”bad things always happen when things are going great…something bad is going to mess this all up”…and  that’s the attitude I’ve always had, don’t get too comfortable because something is going to come mess it up…maybe that something is me…maybe that attitude is what’s ruining stuff, maybe it’s because I can’t let myself be happy…I want to, I want to be happy, and I’m ready to let me be happy.