Another Saturday Morning Rant

14 06 2008

It’s 8:20 on Saturday morning and normally I am sitting out on the porch with my computer and spending that time just to relax and reframe for the weekend…I need that down time, before the whole world gets up…and always, outside, because otherwise I’m surrounded by everything I’m suppose to be doing, besides I like the fresh air…unfortunately today, there is no fresh air to be found…we’re getting smoke blown our way from North Carolina…it’s nasty, and stifling…so, I’m stuck inside, and not sure my creative juices are flowing the way I’d like…so, probably going to be a short entry…


I did want to take a quick moment to remember someone who just passed away, Mr. Tim Russert…he’s been a part of my Sunday mornings ever since I can remember. He’s a political junkie that inspired me and my fellow Americans to follow and become an active part of our political system, but the more I watch all the memorial TV clips…it shows what an amazing family man he was, and with father’s day being tomorrow, I’m sure he’s going to be exceptionally missed, Tim- Here’s to you, you will be missed.




I’ve been wondering something and maybe you other bloggers/blog readers can help…is it better to have a blog entry every day (or pretty much every day) even if some of those days are just lazy “fill-in” blog entries…like just funny pictures or random stuff you find online…or is it better to just have entries when you really have something to say?

Yes, No, Maybe So…

4 06 2008

00 AM

As I’m sure you can tell I changed the look of my blog…and although I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder…and I can’t make everyone happy….still, I’m looking for feedback…do you like, do you not…do you really not care either way…have some suggestions for my blog…basically it’s your day to vent & say whatever about MY BLOG…that’s right, I’m being selfish…but seriously, I want feedback people!!

To All My Faithful Readers

1 06 2008

Here’s the deal…I went to Pontiacs in the Park this weekend…and while I had a great time, I also got sunburnt…very very badly…in fact, I’m in pain right now typing this…I’m in lots of pain…the body is really not very happy right now, so…not really going to have a blog entry today…just wanted to let everyone know what was up…and hopefully, if J helps me out tonight, I’ll have lots of cool pictures posted from the car show & drag racing…For all you car lovers, it should definatly be worth the wait…and I’ve decided that being white as a ghost is WAY better than being red as a lobster…Oh, and the cute sunburn line where my socks were…very very cute…

My cute sunburnt ankle

Love & What I Thought Was Love

28 05 2008

I, once, had a blog…before this one…but I’ve just recently deleted it…but there was a few post that I’m reusing here…this actually was only written a week or so before I started this blog…and it was in my opinion a very good blog…so I’m sharing it here…here ya go:

Okay, so, yeah, blogging is kind of a hard thing for me to do. You see, by nature, I’m a very private person, so the whole idea of writing down my inner most thoughts and then posting them on the internet for the whole world to see, while, it’s frightening, to say the least. I’ve pretty much convinced myself to approach the whole thing as just a journal for me, and try to ignore that whole Blog Stat where it says how many people are reading this…because the bigger that number is, the scarier it is…especially because there are a lot of things in my life that I’m ashamed of, very, very ashamed of.


My divorce, I felt like a complete failure because I should have been able to do something to make my marriage work. (Did I mention I’m a little bit of a control freak?) Well, turns out, there was absolutely nothing I could do to make my marriage work. If there is one thing I learned, it’s that to make a relationship work BOTH people have to be 100 % committed, not 95%, I’m talking 100%…nothing else should come before your spouse, then your marriage will work. However, if one of the people aren’t completely committed, it’ll never work. I was 100% committed. I changed my entire life trying to become someone I’m not. I thought that if I put in enough effort, that he’d have to love me, and therefore, we’d make it work….turns out, I didn’t love him, I loved what I thought he was, what I thought he could be…turns out, I was 100% wrong about that…He has some serious serious issues he needs to work out. And no matter how hard I tried, you can’t make some one deal with an addiction if they don’t want to. Now, a lot of divorcees, I know, say how they still have fond feelings for their exes. Yep, not me, not at all. It took me a while, but I realized that I never really loved him, so, no feelings there. I’m not mad anymore, he lead me on, he made me believe he was someone he wasn’t and he wanted me to be something I couldn’t be. I’ve moved on, and I’m ready to close that door in my life…and would be very very happy if people would stop asking me about it.

Now, my current love life, is a 180 from my past. J, is the exact polar opposite of my ex. My ex, use to only care about how things would effect him, it didn’t matter if someone else was happy, he only wanted things that made him happy. Even if he did something they you might think he did to make you happy, really he only did it so you’d say how great he was, he was in it for the praise, not for my happiness. Well, J, goes out of his way to make me happy….he gets up in the middle of the night to get me water, because he knows I’ll wake up and want a drink, he remembers to get not only diet coke at the grocery store, but also the lemon to go with it, he makes the effort to get along with my family, even when he doesn’t really understand them, and because of that, my family adores him, and are so happy that I’m with him…and he’s so funny, he makes me laugh all the time, even when I don’t want to…I get mad at him and he’ll say something and make me smile, and I can’t happy but fall in love with him all over again, and then, well, how can you be mad at a guy like that?? Every moment with him is filled with fun, and love….even when I’m having a bad day at work, he’ll walk up and wrap his arms around m and kiss my forehead, and life is so much better, just from that few little seconds to let me know he loves me….and he’s learned to cook vegetarian stuff, just for me…and doesn’t harass me about not eating meat…he doesn’t make a big deal out of it, it’s just part of our day to day life, he eats meat, I don’t…And yeah, I get asked a lot about that whole 18 year age difference thing, but honestly, it’s not a big deal. I use to think it would be, in fact, I was kind of scared when we first started dating, but turns out, it really doesn’t effect us that much…for one, we’re both pretty much in the same point in our life…and even when things come up, like me wanting to go to New York for the CIA, he’s willing to move…I’ve never had someone say they’d do that for me, I’ve always been the one sacrificing, I’ve never had someone sacrifice for me….and yeah, if we have kids it may make it a little harder, considering he’ll be like, 60 when they graduate high school, but wouldn’t be the first time that’s ever happened, and you know, I’ve always imagined I would have kids, but, I’ve had 3 miscarriages, so the reality of it, is I might not ever be able to have children, but with J, even if I don’t I know we’ll be happy together, I don’t have to have the marriage or the kids to be happy, I have him, and that’s what makes me happy…and speaking of that, I’ve always had a problem with jealous…I was always scared that the man in my life would want someone other than me (of course, they being told that a man wanted a 15 year old over me, could have influenced that)…but with J, I’ve never had that problem…even when he talks with 10 or 15 women a day, and they all tell me how great he is, and not all of them know he’s taken, but, I know that I’m the one he wants, there is no doubt in my mind….and that is the greatest feeling on earth, is knowing that I’m finally on the same page with someone…okay, so I see this has gone on for a page and a half, so I’m getting off of here…see ya’ll tomorrow

Hello, 3 Day Weekend…

23 05 2008

Ahh….Memorial day. The official (well, unofficial, I guess) start to summer…Sun’s out, the pool is open, the birds are rejoicing and me, well…I’m off work for 3 days! Wahooo. I got off at 4 today, came home and changed into some jeans and a t-shirt…knocked out a sink of dishes…have 1 more to go…been a slack this week…cleaned up around the house some, and in a little bit my little brother, John, is coming over, and J, him and I will start up the grill and get summer kicked off right…now this isn’t the first time this year that we’ve got out the grill…we’re those crazy freaks you see grilling in December…but, it’s just something about Memorial day weekend, you just have to grill…even for a vegetarian…nothing says summer like lighting up the BBQ…I’m not a summer person, actually, I hate hot weather, but, still there is something about the end of May and the first of June when the weather is hot enough in the day to go swimming or kayaking and cools down in the evening so you might just need a light sweater…but you can sleep with the windows open, and the ceiling fan going and life is good…like it use to be, before everything became so complicated…So, I’ve got a great book calling my name…the puppy has the ball all ready to go, the grill is warm, John is on his way here, and J…well is working on something (I think yard work)…as usual…so, you guys have a great night…I know I will…Hello summer, here I come.

A New Page

20 05 2008

Just wanted to let everyone know that I’m starting a new page on my blog. It’s posted as “Reading List.” Pretty self explanatory…but, I’ll list the book as I read them, and what I’m currently reading…when I finish the book I’ll review it on my blog….I’m true dork, and LOVE to read…and I’m noticing a lot of my readers (through their blogs) really like to read, so maybe we can get some good book conversations going…and discover some new books, since most of the ones I’ve read about on the other peeps blogs, I haven’t read…so hopefully a good learning experience for all of us.

1,000 Readers And Counting…

19 05 2008

So yesterday my blog hit the 1,000 visitors mark…that’s very exciting in the blogging world…it’s almost like in the television world when you hit your 100th episode…so, I want to thank everyone for contributing to that magical number!

In fact, there are so many great people that I’m meeting through this blog, I’m almost finding it hard to be really open…If you’ve read the About Me page you know I started this blog to be anonymous and get some stuff out into the open, that normally I wouldn’t air, because I’m not sure how people would take it. Well, I’m starting to make such great connections on my blog, that I have the instinct to not be truly honest and reveal everything that I want to…but I am fighting those urges…this blog will remain open and honest, I figure if people aren’t going to like me knowing what skeletons I have in my closet…well, I’m better off with out them…go find another blog to read…besides, there’s 999 other people reading anyways! 🙂