Commercial Breaks

6 06 2008

Sorry to interrupt our normally scheduled programming, I am going out of town tonight, and will not be back until Sunday…I’m going back to Blacksburg, and will not have internet, so….I have some great fun post scheduled, but won’t be able to read comments or anything until Sunday night or Monday, so, please enjoy the commercial break, and we’ll return to our regular scheduled programming on Monday.

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year…

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

Check comment #1 for answer….and don’t forget,

Amateurs…built the ark. Professionals…built the Titanic.

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Politics, Drugs & the FDA

27 05 2008

Okay, so I’m not a huge political person, but I keep up, and think it’s important for people to have an idea of what’s going on around them, so tonight I was watching the nightly news and part of the news was about a baby and mother that died because the medicine they were given was tainted. The actual medicine was made in the US but the main ingredient was made in Asia….now, I’m not going to bash Asia…no reason to, our country is messed up enough, that it’d take many many blogs to bash Asia and America…So, the news guy was saying that all American manufacturing plants have to be inspected by the FDA once every 2 years…2 years??? Once??? What??? Are we completely blind? How hard is it to get through 1 inspection in two years…Lets see 364 days a year, times two…is 728 days, so…1 inspection every 728 days, assuming an inspection takes a day, that means 727 days there is no one checking up on our drug companies…I’m sure nothing could go wrong in those 727 days…I’m sure they’re following all the regulations those 727 days….I mean, come on, it’s like leaving your kids alone for a day and not checking up on them…how’s your house going to look after that??? So yeah, kind of a BAD standard, you think??? And then the news guy proceeded to say that only 7% of foreign plants are ever inspected, yep that’s right 7%….and they wonder why medicine is killing people…The FDA said that they don’t inspect more, because they don’t have the money…no money….wow, haven’t heard that one before, huh?? But let’s see, they’ve spent how much on this presidential election??? That hasn’t even officially begun yet…We’re still in the primaries….here’s my thought…if one politician would say, I am NOT going to waste millions on political advertising and instead I’m going to give it to the dying AIDS victims in Africa, and the starving homeless of America, and to the FDA so they can keep up safe…that is the person I would vote for, that is the person that I think this country could find unity behind….Just one politician who actually cares for people, not just Americans, and not just those who can vote, but who honestly care for people….





Bringing Up Painful Memories

10 04 2008

Things are a little better, we at least speak to each other…although we still aren’t at all touchy feely…and don’t speak about to much, except about the functions of the day.

 

I’m just more upset about the fact that he spent two years with me, and lied to me about it, every time it came up…it hurts.

 

The ex did kind of the same thing, except he kept another time of addiction from me. He was addicted to pornography, specifically of young girls…it use to disgust me so much to think of him looking at that, and then touching me…I actually slept with that man…I lost my virginity to that man…and not only was he lusting over pornography, but also a 15 year old girl that he use to know from his church…my husband wanted a 15 year old over me…nothing like being left for a younger woman when you’re 22…what I think, hurt me the most, was all the evidence was right in front of me, the whole time, and I just didn’t want to see it…I guess you could say the same thing this time.

 

I’m tired of hurting, I love J, but…I don’t want another relationship where I invest so much hurt and soul, just to get crushed.

 

We again, went to sleep without touching.





Working, In Silence

7 04 2008

So, first day back at work…since, you know, everything’s been going on…

I pretty much stayed away from J as much as possible…only speak when we had to, and only about work…I ran a few errands after work, and came home, J was already here, had washed dishes and fixed dinner…again, he’s walking on eggshells…and is trying anything to make me smile…without admitting he’s done anything wrong.

We went to bed again, without touching…have I mentioned, we haven’t kissed since Saturday night?





Knowing, But Not Admitting

6 04 2008

So, last night I went to bed without J. holding me, first time we ever slept in the same bed with that much space between us…he knows I’m mad.

 

I was suppose to help him with the bedroom…I have no desire to. I’m exhausted, I didn’t sleep at all last night…I have a tendency to not sleep when I’m stressed…

 

I heard him get up and leave this morning. He ran to 7-11, got me a paper, and him a drink. He left the paper on the bed beside me, and went out to the garage. He never said a word toward me, or touched me…even when asleep, normally he’ll kiss me on the cheek, and tell me where he’s going…not this morning. 

 

I spent the day working on stuff for my granny’s surprise birthday party…she’s turning 80 next week, and we are working on a surprise party for a little later on this month…it’s becoming quite time consuming, so I spent all day today working on that…finding pictures, and scanning them…and cropping & editing…all that fun stuff…We’re getting a quilt made with pictures and personal messages from all her family and friends, so…that’s what I worked on today…I stayed in my PJs all day.

 

Normally, that would drive J nuts…but today, he asked if he could get me anything, or if I had enough light…or anything he could help me with…I again, didn’t say a word about what I’d seen…but I now know that I am 100% sure of what I saw…if I hadn’t seen it, I know J wouldn’t not be walking on eggshells…like he’s done all day today.

 

 

 

Again, we went to sleep without touching…I really don’t want any sort of intimacy with someone who’s been hiding this big of a secret from me, for two years.

 

 

 





A Two Year Old Secret Comes To Light

5 04 2008

So, I’ve never really been into drugs. I just think it’s stupid to put that stuff in your body. I’m not a health nut, but I also don’t want to go out of my way to hurt myself either…not too much into the self-destructive behavior….my little brother, however, has for a long time struggled to get away from certain friends of his that encouraged him to experiment with drugs. His main addiction was marijuana…last April my brother moved in with me, to help put distance between him and his illegal hobbies…And I’m so very happy to report that he is getting ready to celebrate his 1 year anniversary of being drug free. I’m so excited for him!!

 

As great as that is, something else is eating at me. J (the boyfriend)…He has a friend, who’s a fisherman…owns his own crabbing company…we’ll just refer to him as Capt…well, Capt, likes to drink and smoke marijuana…I’ve known this for 2 years now…every year him and his significant other throws him a huge birthday party…lots of food, crabs, oysters, huge bonfire and lots of beer…once the…how should I put this…more…ummm…legally abiding citizens leave, joints have a tendency to be passed around…they’ve always been courtesy to me, and anyone else who does not partake, they just skip us and don’t say a word… what’s bothering me, is two years ago, after the first party I attended, Joel was driving me back to my car (I always meet up with boyfriends, when I first started dating them, that away not everyone knew where I lived, as I lived alone at the time.)…we always left my car behind the shop we both work at….he’d always drive me back and then we’d end up sitting for an hour or two talking…well…this particular night was the first night we’d ever kissed, sitting in front of the bonfire at Capt’s….so we spent quite a bit of time in his truck snuggling and kissing and just talking, and getting to know one another…(you know, those carefree first days of a relationship.) Well, one of the things that came up was drugs…he explained to me that he use to do marijuana, yet no longer does….which was no problem to me. I’ve made mistakes in my past, I don’t think people should have their past held against them. (For most stuff).

 

Last year, at Capt’s Christmas party, I watch J participate in the joint passing, when we got him I mentioned it to him. And mentioned how I really was against his use of it….if for no other reason, we’re planning on having children together…I’ve had 3 miscarriages, and don’t think we should harm what little chances we have of being able to successfully have children…I made a pretty big deal out of it, and questioned how often he’s doing it….he told me it was just a one time thing…no big deal…he hasn’t done it in a very long time…and promised he wouldn’t do it anymore, if it upset me that much…I let it go…

 

Until two weekends ago, when again at Capt’s birthday party, he again participated in the joint passing…we didn’t get home until late and we’d both drank too much, so, I let it go, and tried not to dwell on it…just thinking, he doesn’t want his friends to think I’m turning him into a wuss…so, I didn’t say a word, but he knew I was happy about it.

 

For a while now I’ve been thinking I’ve smelt marijuana when I walked into the garage, or on his jacket when he comes home…I just chalked it up to paranoia, and just kind of let it go, while making a mental note to watch for it…and quite a few times I walk into the garage, and it’s like he’s shielding something from me, and always finds a reason to lead me outside…again, I chalked it up to paranoia, and just let it go, reasoning I didn’t really have any real proof that he was doing anything…well, that was until tonight…

 

We spent the day working on the bedroom remodel. We sanded the floor & Minwaxed it…once that’s completely done, all we have left to do is a little bit of touch up paint…so J finished Minwaxing while I finished up some other stuff in the kitchen. So, he gets done and tells me he’s going to go out to the garage to get some stuff done, and to go ahead and order the pizza, so he goes out to the garage and I order the pizza…a few minutes later I walk out to the garage, and when I get ready to walk in (the door is standing open), I see him with his back to me facing his tool box, and notice him exhaling something (he doesn’t smoke)…he looks back and sees me and practically jumped through the roof he was so startled…so I see him throw something to the back of the tool box and reach up to the shelf above him, trying to act like he was doing something else…again he tries to get me out of the garage…I made some excuse to walk to the other side of the garage, and you could practically see him sweating…I never saw the joint, but I’m 99.9% sure it’s there…so I come back inside and get ready to go take a bath, I see him in the garage (through the kitchen window, which looks right through the garage window) and he’s peeking out the window to see if I’m watching…I pretend to be washing dishes and not paying attention…I see him lean over, to where I can’t see him, to finish his joint…I’m soooo mad at this point… I got to take a bath…he comes inside and he’s super super sweet…gets my pizza for me, ask me if a need a napkin…I get up to get a drink and he tells me how he can do that for me…to go set down and relax…he goes out of his way to try and make me extra happy…he knows I know…I’m exhausted…I’m going to bed…I’m need some time to think about everything…my god, we’ve just moved in together…would have been nice to know for sure that he was doing this before now…