Happy Father’s Day, Mom!

15 06 2008

My father left/was kicked out when I was about 3, my older brother was 7 and my baby brother was 1. I never really got to know my father, but what I did know, I didn’t like. He spent a few of those years in prison, for killing a man. That’s something that almost no one knows outside of our family…my ex-husband never even knew that…it’s something very deep and private…in fact, my mother didn’t even want us to know, she was so ashamed that she’d had children with a man who was capable of taking another man’s life…my father & step-mother are actually the ones who told us…and then we asked my mother about it…I remember after I was told I had this nightmare, that my two brothers and my mom and I were sitting down to dinner, and I was sitting between the table and the wall/window (I was always the skinny one so I always got stuck by the wall) and we were eating and talking and laughing and all of a sudden my father pops up in the window and wraps his arms around my neck and holds a knife to my throat, I woke up screaming…my mom rushed in and hugged me, and kissed my forehead…I was probably 7 or 8…by this age I had realized that my mom wasn’t much into showing emotion…and I had learned how to hide a lot of my emotions…I didn’t cry…and I remember feeling slightly ashamed that I was crying in front of my mom, who I thought was the strongest person in the world, and part of my felt terrified from what I had just dreamed, and part of me felt like the luckiest person on earth for having such a great mom.

 

As a typical teenager girl, my mom and I fought, a lot. But, when I grew up and went away to school & work, and got married & divorced…while I was married, our relationship remained strained…but, she still called every weekend, to see how I was…and now, I’m happy to say she is one of my best friends…

 

My father use to come around about every 2 or 3 years and tried to pretend to be a great father…he took my brother to his baseball game once, and I went a long to watch…and my lil brother never quite felt safe or comfortable around our father…he always wanted me around too, just in case…and I remember our father saying how much gas he’d had to use to pick us up and take us to the game and back home…and having been taught to respect adults, a thought raced to my head, that I didn’t vocalize, now looking back I wished I had…I was probably 12 or 13…I thought, well, Mom does it about 10 times a week, when you consider all 3 kids and all our activities…and never once did I know how much gas it took her…she never complained, even when she was worn down and exhausted…she was always about us kids…so, this father’s day, I want to take a moment to thank all you awesome single mothers…who really are wonderful father’s and deserve to have more than 2 days a year of honor…here are some awesome single mom’s I’ve found by blog reading…take a moment, and stop by there sites, and let ‘em know how awesome they are…I know one day when their kids are older and realize how great their moms are, they let them know…but right now, I’m sure they’d appreciate a little bit of encouragement…so, here they are…in no particular order…

2 Lazy Dogs 

Miss Single Mama

Green Bean Mama

Modern Single Momma

Momma Cum Laude

Single Mom In The City

Memoirs Of A Single Mom

Single Working Mommy

Mommy Pie

QT Mama

Single Mom With A Tot

The Queen Chimes In

TS Quest

P.S. If I forgot anyone, or you know of any great single mother’s who blog out there…please leave me a comment with their url so I can add them, also, if you find a link that doesn’t work, let me know…I’m not too great with all this html stuff…I tested all of them, but that’s not saying much 😉

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My Heart Is In Blacksburg, Which I Proudly Call Home

16 04 2008

A year ago today I was at work, and opened up my internet and on my msn homepage was a headline story that a gunman was loose on the Virginia Tech campus. I read a little clip about how he’d shot a girl and they thought it was a domestic violence dispute…I didn’t really think a lot about it…not the first time a crazy person had been loose on the VT campus, and they’d always handled it well, always been “overly cautious” to guarantee nothing happened…hours later I learned 32 people had lost their lives to this gunman.

 

I grew up about 30 minutes away from the Virginia Tech campus…my mom earned her bachelors there while I was in middle school…as corny and generic as it sounds, I’m going to say it anyways, because it fits…it’s just not the kind of place you’d expect something like that to happen…let me explain. My mom attended classes there while my little brother and I were in middle school…so 12-15 years old time frame…she would pick us up from school and drive to tech and go to class, or we’d ride the bus by ourselves to the campus, if she was already there…she’d give us each a few dollars so we could go to the on campus Burger King to get us a 99 cent whopper and a drink (free refills…we could survive off of that for hours)…after we’d finished our dinner we’d walk across the drill field to the campus library where we’d play on the internet or do school work, if we had any…she’d get out of class at 9 or 10 and walk across campus to pick us up…she’d ask us about our day as we walked across campus to the parking lot…we never worried about wondering campus alone, and she never worried….it was perfectly safe for us to wonder around, and no one ever questioned who we were or why we were there…the librarians learned our names, as did the security guards, but they all knew we were safe there on campus…or even, sometimes, we’d walk to downtown and go browse the shops, we never once felt in danger…

 

Last year, when the tragedy happen, I came home from work and cried. I have friends on the Blacksburg Rescue Squad, I have friends on the Christiansburg Police Force, I have friends that are Virginia Tech students and alumni (my older brother is tech alumni as are most of his friends)…I cried for them, I cried for what they’d seen, I cried for those they’d lost, I cried because I couldn’t be there with them….I’d been away from home for 5 years, and never once had I truly felt homesick, until April 16, 2007…a day or so later I received an email about Maroon & Orange day…an effort to get everyone to wear Hokie colors to show there support…I tried to find a VT shirt or hat for my boyfriend…every single store in the Hampton Roads area was out of everything VT, orange or maroon…normally, those items SCREAM at you from store shelves…but not one was left in Hampton Roads…my heart swelled…I’d never been so happy to NOT be able to find something…that evening I came home and the news reports showed people in England and France and all over the country (even the New York Yankees) wearing orange and maroon…it showed the community in Blacksburg standing together, uniting together, to overcome their grief…their pain….I talked to friends and family…and the whole community not only back home, but from all over the world, was uniting together to help the victim’s families…to help each other heal….

 

Tonight…the same pain and pride I felt a year ago is back, part of me wants to be home, but I know, that the whole VT community is united, even if it’s not all in Blacksburg…I watch the news cast, I see the huge moment of silence that occurred on the drill field…the whole drill field is covered in orange and maroon shirts, and yet, not one word is spoken…that’s respected, for our lost family…Almost every college, today, had some kind of memorial service…it shows that not only was the Virginia Tech community effected, but the entire college community, the entire country was effected…and the entire country is uniting behind the Virginia Tech Family.

 

So please, remember the Hokies in thoughts and prayers.

 

Blacksburg, I love you and wish I was home.